Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Gift of Maggi

************- continued-from-here-****************

As he gulped down another whiskey down his parched throat, he felt his trembling fingers forming a fist.. A feeble new determination had conceived within him. He felt an inner voice whispering.. "The time has come".. Placing a few dollar bills on the counter he dashed out onto the street.. The city life was not familiar to him... nor was it found appealing.. But now in this city was something very precious.. like a diamond misplaced in a coal mine.. Something he would die for..



His cellphone beeped.. One glance at it n the color drained from his face.. "DAD" why was that word so terrorising to him?? why was his dad like a Hitler?? To his wife, he was a marvellous husband.. socially active, well known in the city, and a rich business owner.But he had raised a son just like he raised the many cows on his farm. Fed them n sheltered them but he never learnt the language to communicate with them..
arrrggggggggggg... He felt all the pent up feelings in him rushing out.. Ignoring the call he set out.. this was the mission of his life.. Never had he the guts to stand up for something which he genuinely desired in life.. Whether it was when his dad forcibly sent him to residential school or when he had to be the model for his dad's milk chocolates..He felt humiliated whenever he saw his face stamped on a poster or billboard.. and loathed his father...But he was never a rebel.N now he wondered why he had always succumbed so meekly.. But now he could stand no more..Come what may, he would find her..
Thriving on the boost of the many drinks, he walked on towards her house..He could see her now.. Sitting by the window.A picture of innocence, marked with distinct sorrow in her big brown eyes.. he felt hazy..was he dreaming? Suddenly he stumbled on a stone and fell to the ground..

*****************
Wat if she didn't have a family? wat if she was alone in the world?? Y was she scared and insecure, running from place to place hiding her past, afraid of making friends?.. She tried to figure out.. May be it was her adolescence.. She seemed all confused, scared and paranoid.. But now when she analysed things weren't so bad.. But who was that guy.. She had seen him following her twice or thrice and it made her feel weird..she wanted to face the reality in her life but she was afraid, of trusting, of loving anyone again..For, anyone whom she had loved had simply ignored her.. As if her love wasn't worth having.. She had never met genuine people with genuine feelings.. For everyone seemed to change when addressing the daughter of Susie Carlbrown.. N then suddenly it all ended.. From the top if the world she fell deep into a gorge.. A black dark pit where again nobody seemed to want to recognise her.. Or were mocking at her and laughing at her miserable life..Life had taught her many a lessons at a young age..

N promising to herself never to get hurt again, she choose anonymity..She had changed her name and taken up a complete new life.. A life alone, with no gossips, praises, ridicule or rumors and no fake feelings..N now as a simple common girl, she was learning to laugh,to cook,to shop to enjoy the small things in the world.. But always deep inside was a fear, a fear of the past, of being hurt again, of being unwanted, of being an orphan.
Outside, the night was adorned with a beautiful star lit black sky and the earth covered with a carpet of white snow.. It was a serene picture and Marja sat gazing out.But suddenly her eyes caught sum thing moving behind the bushes. Her pupils widened as she saw who it was..

********************

He tried to get up but couldn't.. Now he again saw her.. She was out by his side, helping him on his feet.. "who are you??why have you been following me?" She asked.. He wanted to reply.. Because this was the moment he was waiting for.. But he found himself tongue tied, as if someone had kept a rock on his tongue. But he knew he couldn't afford to fail now.. This was his one chance..

"Marina.." he managed to talk.. she was dumbstruck.. A thousand emotions danced on her gentle face.. ""how?? ..who??.." she seemed to have a lot of questions..
He pulled out his wallet.. N from that he produced a tiny little sheet of paper and handed over to her.. She watched in disbelief a picture of a family.. A little gal with a teddy,holding her daddy's hand and her mom carrying a baby.. All insecurities from her past seemed to melt away..She cried out loud in happiness and hugged him tight..


His cell phone beeped again."Step-mom.." He threw it into the bushes without a second thought and hugged her tighter..



*********************** thank-you-*************************

NB : - I would love it if all of you gave your sincere opinions about the plot, style and flow of this story.. Plz don't refrain from being critics, as i take this as a learning exercise and inputs from your side will be my most valuable learning tools :)

20 comments:

Sam said...

This was such a brilliant, unexpected end.. I never have had aknack for story writing but seems that you are gifted.. Will be look out for many more in the future!! ;)
One word: BRILLIANT!!

sweta prabhu said...

i thought u were going to write a romantic story or something like that.. but u just have the nack of make us hold our breaths till the last moment and then twist the story.. cool going. keep writing

sweta prabhu said...

i thought u were going to write a romantic story or something like that.. but u just have the nack of make us hold our breaths till the last moment and then twist the story.. cool going. keep writing

KAYLEE said...

GREAT STORY YOU WELL?

Nanditha Prabhu said...

that was a beautiful and unexpected twist!
may be you could take creative writing seriously!!!

tulipspeaks said...

i really thought its gonna be a romantic story. loved the unexpected ending!
way to go!


ammu.

Cris said...

Wow, I could read more and more... you can go on... love it.

Keshi said...

this was totally n unexpected ending...how well u hv written it too! Diya this is my honest opinion..u should write more stories more often...u hv a gift in ya!

Keshi.

Pointblank said...

Good one girl! reading this, m inspired to write short stories myself. To be honest - I think te first few posts were better tan te last ones. Now, I dunno whether its just a reflection ofte mood I was in while reading it. The style is endearing. The plot was unexpected , i liked te way u've developed ur story. Altogether, good writing!

Bob-kat said...

I always like stories with twists and turns :) You have a great imagination. Well done!

MeMyself_n_I said...

oh my god. that sure was one hell of a twist. you have some serious talent.

Devil Mood said...

I think it has a great crescendo of emotion in this section with a great ending!
It's not soppy, it's profound, I think you've done a great job here :)

akanksha said...

That was a good one!!!!twists and turns just like the indo pak final at twenty twenty world cup!!!

Radha said...

Wow, I thought this was going to end up as a romance. But loved this surprise ending instead!
Well-written Diya!

KAYLEE said...

hows u?

Keshi said...

Hows u Diya missy? :)

Keshi.

Aswin said...

you have a knack of keeping the reader reading till the very end...keep it up and ya good story..keep writing more stories...you have a very good gift

Adi Crazy said...

OMG!
I mean, seriously, you've got to be some anon writer hiding in disguise, right?

Brilliant turn. I completely loved it. :)

diyadear said...

thank u all for r comments..
Pointblanc, thats exactly my opinion too.. i had a tough time wriing the last 2 parts he he

Hershey Desai said...

That was a lovely story. Nice unexpected end too, just as it should be.

Though, why titled Gift of the "maggi"?
I saw not one mention about my favorite noodles. :)

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